By Aaron Couch
I admit it. I’m fairly new to Farmville, so maybe I’m unqualified to write about kicking your addiction to CG pumpkin patches and digital sheep. But, I’ve been tending my crops for a month now, and I can see why 80 million people—a fifth of active Facebook users—are also playing the game.
If you are ashamed if your addiction, don’t be. Your addiction is nothing new, and you aren’t alone. Remember the 1990s Tamagachi pet craze? We humans have been obsessively taking care of fake life forms for well over 15 years now, and it’s just getting worse. If you’ve had enough, if you want to get this Farmville beast under control, here are some things to try:
1. Repeat after me: Steinbeck got it wrong.
In one of the most moving passages from “The Grapes of Wrath,” Steinbeck wrote about a starving family driving by empty field after empty field. He wrote, “a fallow field is a sin and the unused land a crime.”
Despite what Steinbeck wrote, it’s not a crime to let your Farmville field go fallow. You must internalize this before moving forward with Farmville detox. “Steinbeck got it wrong.” It’s actually OK to let your land go unused. It’s not like truckloads of downtrodden people will be passing by, cursing you for not growing produce.
2. Use an egg timer.
Set an allotted amount of time you’re allowed to spend on Farmville, and lower this amount gradually. Think of like a timed Chess game. Every time you check Farmville, hit the timer. Hit it again when you leave the farm. Once your time runs out, that’s it for the day. This will help wean you off of your addiction.
3. Plant seeds with long growing times.
Sew your fields with pomegranates and passion fruits. These crops need five days to grow, which means you can go almost a week without having to check in and make sure your craps haven’t shriveled. This will get you used to the idea of staying away from the farm for an extended period.
It’ll be tempting to stop in before the plants are grown. You’ll tell yourself that you should see if any stray cats have wandered onto your land, or check out what gifts your friends have sent you. DO NOT DO IT. If you fail this step, you’ll have to start over at step one.
4. Scorch the farm.
After you’ve successfully gone five days without checking in on your farm, it’s time for the big goodbye. Go to Facebook, and delete the Farmville application. It might sting to have to ignore your friends exhortations to fertilize their crops or weed their fields, but don’t listen to them. Your friends are Farmville users, and that’s not the world you inhabit anymore. And besides, with your newfound free time, maybe you’ll even be able to take a trip and visit a real farm with real animals.
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Aaron Couch is a journalism grad student at the University of Kansas, where among other things, he studies how social media is changing journalism. You can follow him on Twitter to see what he’s up to these days: aaroncouch
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